


Bells Will Be Ringing

by FivePips



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Christmas, Depression, M/M, New Year's Eve, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-03
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-05-04 19:16:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5345552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FivePips/pseuds/FivePips
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An Everyone Lives-AU set during the Christmas of 1985… Four years after the war, Remus Lupin has returned from traveling around the world. A co-worker invites him to a Christmas party where he runs heads first into his past. Can he repair broken relationships between Christmas and New Year?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Christmas Party

**Author's Note:**

> Whoops, my hand slipped and I accidentally wrote 6,000 words for this last night while avoiding the last scene of The Boy, The Bright, The One because I'm stuck there for some reason.
> 
> The title obviously comes from the song "Please Come Home For Christmas"/"Bells Will Be Ringing" by Charles Brown and it's more known from Bon Jovi/The Eagles.

_Bells will be ringing this sad sad news_  
_Oh what a Christmas to have the blues_  
_My baby's gone I have no friends_  
_To wish me greetings once again_  
  
_Choirs will be singing "Silent Night"_  
_Christmas carols by candlelight_  
_Please come home for Christmas_  
_Please come home for Christmas_  
  
_If not for Christmas by New Years night_  
_Friends and relations send salutations_  
_Sure as the stars shine above_  
_But this is Christmas yes Christmas my dear_  
  
_The time of year to be with the ones you love_  
_So won't you tell me you'll never more roam_  
_Christmas and New Years will find you home_  
_There'll be no more sorrow no grief and pain_  
  
_And I'll be happy, happy once again_  
_Oh there'll be no more sorrow, no grief and pain_  
_And I'll be happy, Christmas once again_

_******_

The war ended four years ago. Remus hadn’t been in England for four years. He hadn’t spoken to his friends in five years. He hadn’t spoken to Sirius in five years.  
  
When he walked out the door of their cramped, little studio flat in Camden, he made peace with himself, saying he was keeping everyone safe. Sirius thought he was a traitor. Lily and James were in hiding. Peter was just better off without him. He stayed on to work with the Order but he was in deep cover. Deeper than he had been when he was keeping all those missions secret from Sirius. Everything he did was HIGH RISK.  
  
With help from Regulus Black, of all people, Dumbledore was able to defeat Voldemort for once and for all. Remus wasn’t there that night, he was fighting his own battle with the moon. But that didn’t matter because they finally defeated Voldemort. Harry, Lily, James, Peter, and Sirius were a live. That’s all that mattered to him. He received the Order of Merlin, the first werewolf to ever get the honor. But he didn’t care about that. All he cared about was the fact that his life was suddenly empty without the war. He had known school and war. What was he supposed to do?  
  
Remus packed up the few things he had and started traveling around the globe. He did odd jobs to support himself. He explored Egypt and the States and South America and Asia. He spent a sun rise atop the summit of Mount Fuji. He learned some French from a pretty witch in Belgium. He slept under the stars in Montana. He visited every single magical library. He wandered around museums. But he felt like he didn’t get any true enjoyment from it. He felt like his heart was still in England. Specifically, his heart was still with Sirius Black in that little flat in Camden.  
  
But he knew that after everything he couldn’t go back to Sirius. There was just too much there. He wasn’t sure if he could ever put his trust in Sirius again. He still moved back to London, though.  
  
 Remus managed to get a job at a Wizarding primary school in London, with a favor from Dumbledore (he was sure that Remus owed Dumbledore but he wasn’t going to complain about steady employment). He was going by the name John Howell since returning to England because he didn’t want to deal with any type of notoriety. One time he had introduced himself as Remus Lupin in Ireland and he was suddenly surrounded by witches and wizards asking all types of questions about the war and his bravery. Remus just wanted a normal life. Or as normal as he could get.  
  
Remus was depressed. He wasn’t depressed that he was home. No, he was just always depressed. He had been depressed for a long while. There wasn’t anything that he looked forward to. Life was just a dull hum. It was hard getting through the days and it was just getting worse as Christmas approached. Everywhere, he was assaulted with images of happy people, Muggle and Wizarding alike. There was tinsel and fairy lights and trees and holly that reminded him of Christmases past in Hogwarts and the one sweet one afterwards.  
  
One afternoon, everything slowly began to change for him. Another teacher, Dara O’Connor poked his head into Remus’ room after school had let out for winter break. He was wearing a garish jumper with reindeer, who’s noses blinked red, on it. Remus didn’t know how any of the kids paid attention to him all day. “Hey, Howell, what are you doing tonight?”  
  
“Ah, nothing.” Remus said with a slight frown. He always had a slight frown these days.  
  
“Want to celebrate the Christmas hols? I know you said you don’t have family around and my girlfriend’s mates are having party. They do it every year. It’s a big do, lost of food, alcohol, and music. I’m sure they’d love to have another guest.”  
  
Remus, for no good reason other than he couldn’t bare another night completely alone, said, “Yeah, sure.”  
  
“Excellent.” Dara stepped in to reach for the parchment and quill on Remus’ desk. “Meet me here at eight and then we’ll head over there together.”  
  
Remus went back to his bedsit once he squared away his room for the term break. He changed into something more festive than his tweed jacket over an off white shirt. He chose a nice red and green jumper with a fair isle pattern. Figured that he should at least try to be in the Christmas spirit.  
  
Once 7:30pm came around Remus headed over to Dara’s, where he made it promptly at 8pm. He had to take the Tube because he didn’t have a Floo connection. From there they apparated to a home that was surprisingly familiar to Remus. Too familiar. He felt like he was going to fall over. They were standing in Godric’s Hollow in front of the Potter’s cottage. It was possible they sold it after the war. Who was Remus kidding? He knew James and Lily would never leave there. It was their dream home.  
  
“You okay, mate?”  
  
“Ah, um, yeah.” Remus scrubbed a hand through his curls. “What’d you say your girlfriend's name was?”  
  
“I don’t think I did. It’s Emmeline Vance.”  
  
Remus’ heart skipped a beat at the name of an old acquaintance. Yes, he was definitely at the Potter Christmas bash. “Oh, ah, right.”  
  
Dara gave him a funny look before they entered the chaos of the house. Kids were running around. Familiar faces were milling about. But he just passed, through, like a ghost. That was until they came into the kitchen/dinning area. There was Lily, James, Sirius, Harry, the Prewett siblings, Emmeline, Marlene, a very blonde child he didn’t know, and a few red headed children. They all, except the children, stopped what they were doing and looked up as if they were seeing a ghost.  
  
“You lot know John?” Dara raised an eyebrow.  
  
“JOHN? This is Remus bloody Lupin, mate!” Fabian yelled and flapped his arms around like a distressed, giant, ginger bird.  
  
“What? Remus Lupin? No, this is John Howell.” Dara was very, very lost. “Remus Lupin disappeared after the war. How — oh my god you are a werewolf and… shite. Bloody hell, John—Remus. I… What the…”  
  
“Our thoughts exactly.” James said, folding his arms. Remus couldn’t read how his old friend was feeling about the sudden reappearance.  
  
Peter was gaping at him. Obviously, in shock.  
  
Sirius, who had been staring for a few long moments, was now glaring at his drink. Clearly upset over the development.  
  
Remus was too busy, looking around the room to realize that Lily was advancing on him, looking absolutely murderous. He didn’t anticipate the hard slap either. “You fucking bastard!” She shrieked and then slapped him again.  
  
Remus raised his hand to his smarting cheek. He was sure that he deserved that from her. He left without a word to anyone. But he didn’t think they’d want it. He thought they all assumed he was a spy, like Sirius did. After the war, he was sure it was too late to patch things up.  
  
“Ok, kids, let’s go out with the rest in the living room.” Molly said as she went to round up the sprogs.  
  
“You left and didn’t tell any of us where you were going and you just show up here out of no where?” Gideon raised an eyebrow.  
  
“I swear, I didn’t know I was coming here. I almost died when we apparated here of all places. Dara just invited me and didn’t tell me… I’m sorry, I’m going to go.”  
  
“Go? You’re not going bloody anywhere.” Instead of slapping him once more, Lily wrapped her arms around him. For such a small woman, she was rather strong. “Bloody Order of Merlin for your bravery and you run off like a bunny. Some werewolf you are. Some Gryffindor, you are, Remus Lupin.”  
  
“This is a hell of a Christmas gift, Dara.” Emmeline said with a little laugh. “Re, we all missed you so much.”  
  
“Some of us more than others.” James said, giving Sirius a pointed look. At that Sirius got up and walked out of the kitchen. A few seconds later the front door slammed. “Shite, Moony, I can’t believe this.”  
  
“You’re so skinny. You need to eat. What have you been eating these last five years? Not enough and living off of coffee and cigarettes I assume.” Lily finally let go of him to make him up a plate of food.  
  
“I’m not hallucinating. You’re really standing here?” Pete touched his arm after moving so he was next to him. “Where have you been? What are you doing here?”  
  
“Ah, after the war I just sort of was traveling around. I came back here in August and I’m teaching at a primary school.”  
  
“I don’t know why you’re talking to us. You need to be out there talking to Padfoot.” James said sternly.  
  
“I don’t think he wants to talk to me.”  
  
“Mate, he hated himself for running you off. You know how he is about trusting people and back then things were… they were tough for all of us.”  
  
Remus didn’t want to be having this conversation. He felt sick to his stomach. He also wanted to spit back something about himself not being able to trust anyone.  
  
“Looney, Loopy, Lupin. If it’s not the man who broke my brother’s heart and stomped on it. Should I punch you? I feel like that’s a thing to do.”  
  
Remus looked to his right to see Regulus grinning at him. This was all too weird. It was like he had stepped into an alternate reality. Whenever he thought about his old mates, he thought of them like they had been in the past. Not during the war, though. In his head, everyone was just as they were in Hogwarts. But here, they were all grown up with children and loved ones. Everyone’s life was moving forward but him. He was the same Remus Lupin, no he was worse than he had been.  
  
“Regulus.”  
  
“Haven’t seen you since we were both surrounded by those Death Eaters in Brighton. I don’t think I properly thanked you for saving my arse that night.”  
  
“I was just doing my job.” Remus shrugged.  
  
“Sure, sure. Not everyone receives an Order of Merlin for taking out six Death Eaters, including my dear cousin Bella.” Regulus waved his hand in a very Sirius manner. Remus felt a lump in his throat. “No need to boast about your life saving when you have your pretty pin. Do you wear it on you or is it hung up at home?”  
  
Remus never got his Order of Merlin medal. He wondered where it was. Probably with Dumbledore.  
  
“Here, eat.” Lily held up a plate.  
  
“No.” James stood up and took the plate out of his wife’s hands. “He’s talking to Sirius first.”  
  
Remus bit his lip and let out a long sigh. “I should go.”  
  
“No. I swear to Godric, Remus Lupin, if you leave I will hex your bollocks right off.” Marlene already had her wand out. “Don’t think I won’t find where you live if you run out on talking to Sirius out there either.”  
  
“Ok, I’ll stay.”  
  
“Well, if you want to eat and regale us with tales of your travels, then you should march your arse out there and talk to Padfoot. You’re back in our lives, whether you come willing or not. And if you’re back in our lives, then you and Paddy need to be at least civil.” James said before taking a mince pie off of Remus’ plate and stuffing it in his mouth.  
  
“Then after you can meet all of the children you missed.” Lily said with a smile.  
  
“Did you have another one?”  
  
“Yes, and you would have been the godfather, you daft bastard, but you ran off.”  
  
Remus felt tears stinging his eyes, the immensity of all the things his missed seemed to hit him at once. All the years, all the milestones. They were all gone. Slipped out from his fingertips. Not that he was exactly reaching to grip them. There was a chance to salvage it all, if he could just let them back in. He wasn’t sure if he could, which made him want to cry more. So, he could cry in front of everyone or he could cry on the porch and possibly be punched by Sirius then cry in peace.  
  
“Okay, okay, I’ll go out there.” He picked the least embarrassing choice.  
  
“Brilliant. Off you go. None of us will speak to you if you don’t go out there and we really want to talk.” Pete gave him a little push.  
  
Remus looked around the room again and everyone was smiling at him. They all seemed so much older than when he had last seen them all. But they were all happy. Maybe he could become a part of the group again. He hoped he could let himself do it.  
  
He made his way back down the corridor to the front door, listening to the kitchen become filled with the same noise he heard when he first came in. No doubt they were all talking about his sudden reappearance. With a deep breathe, he opened to the door. Sirius was leaning against the railing on the first step of the porch, smoking a cigarette. He kept his back to Remus, not even glancing over his shoulder.  
  
Not knowing what to say in the situation, Remus decided something he always said, even though he was highly hypocritical. But it always made Sirius laugh back then, when they would share fags. “Those will kill you, you know?” Remus’ voice sounded weird and wrong. It was like it didn’t belong to him.  
  
“Just go away.” Sirius’ voice was full of tears. Remus didn’t need to look at him to know that he was crying. Even though they had been separated from each other for five years now, he had known Sirius for almost ten years before that.  
  
“Marlene will hex my balls off if I go in without speaking to you and James and Lily won’t let me leave. So I have to at least talk to you. I know we didn’t end on good terms but I’d like to keep my bollocks.” Sirius used to be rather fond of the whole package.  
  
“What are you even doing here?” Sirius still had his back to Remus but he also didn’t want to get any closer to the other man. He stayed close to the door.  
  
“I told you, I didn’t realize that Dara was dating Em and I didn’t know we were going to a party here of all places. I would have gone about this all with more tact if I thought I was seeing you lot again.”  
  
“You know, I thought maybe you died after the war. You didn’t go to the ceremony for the Order of Merlin and you never wrote anyone. Lily was beside herself. And I… I… I felt like…” Sirius sniffled then coughed. “It was all my fault. I thought maybe you killed yourself because of me. It was so hard after the war and you had no one and I… I just thought the worst.”  
  
“You? Why would it have been your fault?” Remus’ voice trembled.  
  
Sirius turned around and his lovely grey eyes were sad and bloodshot from crying. “You’re so bloody smart but you’re so daft sometimes. I pushed you out of all of our lives and you — you didn’t even try to fight for us. You didn’t yell at me or tell me I was an idiot. You just left at the first sign something was wrong. If you had pushed back, then maybe we would have worked things out. But you just packed up your things and left.”  
  
“You shouldn’t have even accused me in the first place.” Remus snapped.  
  
“I know. Don’t you understand that I know that? I was so paranoid back then and you never talked about what happened out there.”  
  
“I couldn’t talk about it because it was confidential. It’s not that I didn’t trust you, I just knew I had to keep things close to the vest. I wish I told you everything so you wouldn’t have thought I was a spy but I didn’t and fucked things up. Then I fucked them up more by leaving. So your fault, is sort of my fault instead.” Remus furrowed his brow.  
  
Sirius finally threw his cigarette down and stomped it out. “Why do you always have to twist everything to make it your bloody fault? Stop playing the damn martyr for once!” Sirius slammed his fist against the railing. There was the famous Black temper Remus didn’t miss. But oddly he did miss it.  
  
“I’m sorry I left, okay? I’m so sorry but there wasn’t anything here for me. I wish I wrote the others to say I was ok. I’m sorry I worried you. I thought you stopped caring.”  
  
“Fuck off, I never stopped caring about you. Five fucking years and I never once stopped caring about you.” Sirius pointed his finger at him. “Even when I thought you were working for Voldemort, I couldn’t stop caring about you. It was so hard.”  
  
Remus’ heart sank. He thought that Sirius would have moved on by now. He hoped that he would have been happy without him. Not that he wanted Sirius with anyone else but he couldn’t stand the thought of him alone in the world.  
  
Sirius wiped a hand over his face. “It was a shite time and you clearly moved on.”  
  
Remus scoffed and Sirius looked at him, surprised. “Look, Sirius. I’m going to head out after I say some good byes to them. I know they mean well but it’s hard to be around them when the last time I was at an Order meeting, none of them would look me in the eye. I was a werewolf, the most logical choice—”  
  
“We’re all a bunch of morons. You’re included in this.” Sirius let out a long breath.  
  
Remus wasn’t sure what to say next but he was thankfully interrupted by the door opening. Molly poked her head out hesitantly, “I’m sorry, dears, but Draco is looking for his Padfoot and is rather upset.”  
  
Remus felt the confused look crawl over his features. He remembered Lucius Malfoy having a son named Draco. He had wondered what happened to him after Narcissa was killed and Malfoy was sent away to Azkaban at the end of the war. Why was Draco here? That must have been the blond boy.  
  
“I, ah, okay… don’t leave, Remus, they want you here.” Sirius looked back at him before going inside the house.  
  
Remus felt his face fall even more because it didn’t sound like Sirius wanted him to stay.  
  
Out of curiosity Remus followed Sirius into the sitting room, where the blond boy ran up to Sirius and wrapped his arms around his legs. “I thought you left.” Draco’s bottom lip did a wobble.  
  
“Sorry, love, I’m not going anywhere. You know that.” Sirius bent down and hoisted him up on to his hip.  
  
“Who are you?” Draco said after rubbing his eyes. He was looking right at Remus.  
  
“Um, Remus.”  
  
“Moony?” The boy looked surprised. “Pa talks about you a lot.”  
  
He couldn’t believe this child knew he nickname. “Oh?”  
  
“You’re a brave hero and you’re smart and played a lot of pranks. That’s what Pa and Prongs and Wormy say.”  
  
“Pa?”  
  
“Padfoot.” He giggled, hugging Sirius tighter. Well, that answered where the Malfoy boy was staying.  
  
“Remus, you can come eat now.” James grabbed his wrist and pulled him back to the dinning room. He didn’t say a word until Remus was sat at the table between Lily and Marlene, who slid a plate of food in front of him. It was only the two woman and James and Peter in the room now. Everyone else must have moved to the other parts of the house. “So, how’d it go?”  
  
“I honestly have no idea.” He was completely unclear of where he stood with Sirius. “We both apologized. I think.”  
  
“That’s a good start.” Lily assured him.  
  
“We’re all sorry too, you know?” Peter looked at him from across the table.  
  
“We felt horrible when you disappeared.” James said quietly.  
  
“I never doubted you for a minute.” Lily rubbed his back.  
  
Remus smiled at her. He knew she was the only one to never doubt her. “I know Lils.”  
  
“Do you forgive the rest of us?” Marlene asked.  
  
Remus nodded. How could he not? He knew why they all had acted that way. He was a dark creature. He just wasn’t sure if he could ever really let them all close again. Trust was a different animal from forgiveness. “So, Sirius is raising a child?”  
  
“Yes, he is. Rather sweet isn’t it?” Lily grinned. Remus forgot how much his missed that smile.  
  
“After all that happened with the Malfoy’s, the boy was orphaned. Andromeda would have taken him but she was so sick at the time. Sirius said he’d do it. We thought that it’d be good for him too. He needed someone…” Marlene trailed off.  
  
“Someone to look after.” Remus filled in. He knew that Sirius liked watching over him. He was always such a mother hen whenever Remus wasn’t feeling well.  
  
“He needed someone to fill that void you left and he wasn’t in the market for looking for a boyfriend. Hasn’t had one in ages.”  
  
“Sirius Black. Raising a child.” Remus said before taking a bite of turkey.  
  
“Like you two never talked about raising children one day.”  
  
“We were children.”  
  
“So were we.” James said, pointing to Lily.  
  
“What are you doing Christmas?” Lily asked, changing the subject. “I know you’re doing nothing. You’re coming here.”  
  
It had been five years but he was still terrified to say no to Lily Evans Potter. “Um, all right.”  
  
“It’s just going to be me, James, the kids, Sirius, and Draco. It’ll be nice.” Lily beamed at him. “I feel like this a dream.”  
  
“I’m feeling the same way.”


	2. Christmas Dinner

_Snowy nights and Christmas lights,_  
_Icy windowpanes,_  
_Make me wish that we could be_  
_Together again_  
_And the windy winter avenues_  
_Just don't seem the same,_  
_And the Christmas carols sound like blues,_  
_But the choir is not to blame_  
  
_But it doesn't have to be that way_  
_What we had should never have ended_  
_I'll be dropping by today_  
_We could easily get it together tonight_  
_It's only right_  
  
“It Doesn’t Have to Be that Way” By Jim Croce

******

Four days later, Remus was standing in Godric’s Hollow again. It was the perfect picture of Christmas. The snow was falling lightly. Fairy lights shone in and on all of the house and shops. The church bells were announcing that it was five o’clock. People were bustling into and out of houses. There were carolers in front of the house across from the Potter’s.  
  
It had been six years since Remus celebrated a Christmas. The last one he was in England for, five years ago, was a week after he had left Sirius. Following that he did he best to avoid any Christmases while he was away. He normally achieved that by being somewhere tropical and spending the day in wherever he was staying, drinking. The Christmas spirit felt foreign to him but he was beginning to realize that he really missed it.  
  
Remus was carrying a sack presents. He had spent the last few days tracking down gifts for the kids and adults, which he felt like he barely knew now. He didn’t know the children at all. He was out of everyone’s life only months after Harry was born. He never met Annie Potter or Draco. But he still managed to find decent gifts with help of sales people. Harry and Draco got some Quidditch themed gifts. James had mentioned both boys were mad for the sport, no surprises there. For Annie she bought a teddy bear that was charmed to always be warm. He stuck with the usual books for the adults.  
  
There was a long moment where Remus stood out on the street. He thought about apparating back home but he knew he’d spend the night staring at the cracks in his ceiling. At least here, he would be feeling empty around other people. It was just a little easier around other people sometimes. He could also feel a bit less like an alcoholic if he had a drink too many.  
  
“Hey! You’re here? Sirius was wondering if you’d show.” Regulus apparated in next to him.  
  
“I didn’t know you’d be here. I didn’t get you a gift.” He frowned.  
  
“Don’t worry, Lupin, I don’t have a thing of you either.” Reg threw an arm around him. “Plus, I think saving my life is about a million gifts.”  
  
Remus always liked Regulus. When they did prefect duties together they would talk about books they both enjoyed and how classes were going. He always held something against him though because Sirius and Regulus were fighting at the time. Remus always kept his slight appreciation for Reg to himself, especially after a row with Sirius about how the younger brother may have been a better person than Sirius thought.  
  
When Regulus came over to the Order, Remus was apart of the team who helped the younger Black stay safe. Remus thought it was ridiculous for Dumbledore to put him there because of his shattered relationship with Sirius at the time. Then again, Dumbledore may have been making some veiled attempt at getting Remus back into the good graces of the rest of the Order. The headmaster was upset that the others had turned on Remus but there was little he could do without revealing that Remus had been in deep cover.  
  
“I’m surprised you showed up. Thought you’d be in Madagascar or something by now.” Reg squeezed his shoulder.  
  
“I’ve seen most of the world, I’m okay with being back here.” The world didn’t offer him happiness, like he hoped it would. He didn’t want to be back there searching for something he was sure to never find.  
  
“But are you happy here?” Regulus raised an eyebrow.  
  
Remus couldn’t remember the last time that he was truly happy. It was probably not long after seventh year. Actually, it was probably the Christmas party the year before his breakup with Sirius. That was a long time ago. The days previous Christmas party he had felt something akin to happiness. It was in there below the surface somewhere but he was so stressed and too anxious to bring it all the way up. He worried what everyone was thinking about him as he told his stories about the last few years and listened to the domestic tales of his old mates. They all listened and spoke loudly, with shining eyes. Remus could feel that he was showing the opposite. Quiet, blank.  
  
“I take the silence as a no. Well, you could be happy here, if you tried. I’ve faith in it.”  
  
“What does that mean?” He asked as the ascended the steps.  
  
“What do you think, you daft bugger?” Regulus said as the Potter’s door flung open. It didn’t leave Remus any time to dwell on Reg’s words.  
  
“Hey! You showed. Lily was worried you’d run off again.” James wrapped him in a hug.  
  
“Regulus said something vaguely similar.” Remus sighed. He hated that people thought that little of him. Try to get away from your troubles after a few years of war and pain and you’re the bloke who always runs off. He technically only ran off once. It was not as if he had the habit of doing it before.  
  
James let him go, after a very long, drawn out embrace. It was as if he was afraid Remus was really going to disappear again. “Well, you worried us there for a bit so we’re going to be keeping a close eye on you. I don’t think you understand how much we all missed you. Come in, we’ve still have a lot to catch up on.” James said as the entered the cottage.  
  
“You brought gifts? Oh, Re, you didn’t have to do that. It was such short notice.” Lily took the sack from him. “They’re going under the tree. We’ll open them after dinner, if that’s not a problem.” She kissed him on the cheek then did the same to Regulus. “Sirius is in the dining room. You boys can go right ahead. I’m going to make sure the kids haven’t opened anything from under the tree yet. I’ll bring Annie in to meet you, Remus.” Lily waved them off before going into the sitting room with the two bags of gifts.  
  
Remus followed after James to the dining room, with Reg behind him. The house felt even more familiar without it filled to the brim with drunken partiers. In the dinning room they found Sirius setting the table. He still had an love for Muggle clothes, it seemed. He was in jeans, a button down, and purple silk vest. Remus felt underdressed in his well-worn brown trousers and emerald green jumper.  
  
Sirius gave him a little smile. It was as if he wasn’t sure if he should have or not. They hadn’t spoke the rest of the night of the party after their conversation on the steps. They didn’t know what to say to one another and it wasn’t like they wanted to talk with everyone else around them. If they were going to make any sort of repairs to their relationship, whether it be romantic or otherwise, it needed to be done in a quiet place.  
  
“Hello, brother, dear.” Regulus practically tackled Sirius after the last plate was set. He placed a big kiss on Sirius’ cheek.  
  
“Sod off, Reg!” Sirius complained, halfheartedly and with the tiniest hint of a laugh. Remus felt something nice settle in his chest, seeing the Black brother’s relationship healed. He always knew that Sirius craved to be close to his brother, just like were when they were children. It seemed Sirius finally had that.  
  
“You love it.”  
  
“So, where’s Peter?” Remus looked to James as the brothers chatted about Draco’s morning and the ridiculously expensive gifts from his Uncle.  
  
“Wormy’s at the in-laws, didn’t he mention that the other night?” James gave him a broad grin. “Can you believe Pete married a Ravenclaw of all people?”  
  
“I don’t even remember the girl. Grace Atwood?” Remus scrunched his nose in thought. He was pretty good with recalling students of Hogwarts from their time. She was probably one of the quiet Ravenclaws. Peter did mention she was a two years younger than them.  
  
“She’s really nice. Good lass for our Petey.” James smiled broadly then looked past Remus shoulder. “Ah, Annie! This is Moony. I told you all about Moony.”  
  
The little girl, who had Lily’s auburn hair, nodded wildly. She was just two and looked as sweet as could be. But he was sure there was a little playful wickedness hiding there, seeing she was Lily and James’ child.  
  
They sat down and had a feast. Remus wasn’t sure if that was for him or not because Lily was determined to ‘put some meat on those bones’. She seemed obsessed with making sure that he was healthy, which he remembered her doing much of the same half a decade ago.  
  
Through out dinner they talked about the “good, old days” and relived various pranks. Draco and Harry asked more about Remus’ travels and if he had seen any dragons. Everything was so strangely comfortable with the group. He slotted back into his old place in their lives easily. It was like they were just holding his place for him the entire time. Well, except with Sirius.  
  
After dinner they all gathered in the living room for presents. James was a dutiful father, so he sat by the big, beautiful tree, and handed them out to everyone.  
  
Remus, to his surprise, had four gifts in front of him. Only three of them said who they were from (James and Lily, Peter, and Marlene). James and Lily got him a beautiful brown leather briefcase with “R.J. Lupin” engraved on it. Peter gave him a small stack of leather notebooks with his initials stamped on them. Finally, Marlene gifted him a few peacock quills and ink in black, red, and blue.  
  
“There’s a theme to them.” Lily said.  
  
Remus looked at his opened gifts with slight confusion. He couldn’t see any type of theme in them with the exception that he would appreciate each one.  
  
“Well, Dumbledore wanted us to give you this.” Lily handed him a letter addressed to him.  
  
_Dear Remus,_  
_I’m so glad to have you back in the United Kingdom, as are your friends. I’m happy you’re enjoying your current position in the primary school, but I would like to offer you the position of the Defense of the Dark Arts Professor here at Hogwarts next year. Professor Grossman is going to be retiring in June. It would be my greatest pleasure to have you on our staff here at Hogwarts. Let me know your answer at your convenience. Enjoy the holidays and give my best to the Marauders._  
  
_Sincerely,_  
_Professor Albus Dumbledore_  
  
“Oh my gods.” Remus felt a grin blossom on his face. It was the first smile, real and spontaneous smile he had remembered blossoming on his face in a long time.  
  
Since his sixth year, Remus had always wanted to be a Professor at Hogwarts, especially in DADA. The Marauders used to jokingly call him Professor whenever he would explain something or help someone with their work. He had never thought it would be possible because he was a werewolf but things were changing in the UK for them. Oddly enough, it was thanks to his status as a war hero, that they were changing.  
  
“What is it?” Regulus asked, attempting to get a look at the letter over his shoulder. All Blacks were nosy buggers.  
  
“He wants me to be the next Defense professor.” He handed Reg the letter so he wouldn’t have to crane his neck.  
  
“It’s incredible!” Lily nudged his leg. She was sitting on the floor in front of him with Annie and Harry. “I mean, I know already because Dumbledore thought we might like to get you some gifts to go along with your future position. I had contacted him the day after the party because I was a bit angry he didn’t say anything to us that you were back in the country.”  
  
“Congrats, Remus.” Reg clapped a hand on his shoulder.  
  
“You’ll be teaching our sprogs!” James said as a play snitch flew around him and Harry and Draco chased it. The children could not care less what was going on with the adults. They had toys to play with.  
  
“Dear Merlin, little Marauders. I’ll be giving them detentions all the time.” He said, watching the boys.  
  
“You’re used to taking points from Gryffindor. You had plenty of practice in your prefect days.” Sirius spoke. They were the first words he had said directly to Remus all night.  
  
“You’re going to be bloody brilliant as the Defense Prof.” James said catching Harry and play-tackling him to the ground with one arm.  
  
“Moony’s going to teach us?” Draco asked with wide eyes, stopping in front of Annie. Annie was snuggling with the teddy that Remus gave her and looking through a picture book from Reg. “Pa says you’re the best at dueling. Besides him.”  
  
Remus couldn’t help his smile (another one!) because it appeared Sirius did a lot of talking about him.  
  
“Here, last gift.” Lily put what looked to be a large picture frame on his lap.  
  
Remus tore back the fancy gold and maroon paper. The frame was around a display case. Inside the glass was a gold medal, hanging from a green ribbon. Under it was a piece of parchment, illuminated in gold leaf, which declared: “The Wizengamot and Minster of Magic, Francis Longbottom, present Remus J. Lupin with the Order of Merlin: First Class, for his acts of outstanding bravery and distinction during the Battle of Brighton on October 27th, 1981…”. Next to that was the front page of The Prophet from the day he was awarded the medal. It declared it to be a major step forward in werewolf rights. The article also speculated that he wasn’t at the ceremony due to a his father’s failing health. He was actually in Calcutta that day.  
  
Remus ran his hand around the gold edges of the display case and he could feel tears in his eyes. “I… how’d you get this?” He cleared his throat.  
  
“Dumbledore gave it to me. He thought if anyone saw you again, it’d be me.” Sirius’ voice startled him because he was expecting Lily. He thought maybe he sent it with the letter.  
  
“Albus gave him the medal and declaration. He had the clipping saved. I saw Sirius putting this together yesterday when I went over for dinner.” Regulus informed Remus.  
  
“Draco, I think its time to go home. It’s been a long day.” Sirius obviously felt awkward about this whole thing.  
  
How was it that Remus was the one they worried about running off when Sirius always did it in the past? Remus could recall so many times the boy ran away from a troubled situation that needed dealing with (excluding running away from his family because that was something that had to be done). In the beginning of their romantic relationship and sometimes even after they had been established for some years, whenever they would row he would take off.  
  
“But Pa, we haven’t even had pudding yet.”  
  
“No, he’s staying over here. I thought we discussed this, already.” Lily said quickly. “The kids are having pudding now and we’ll have drinks and chat some more.”  
  
“I do have to get going, sorry to disappoint.” Reg stood up, leaving Sirius and Remus alone on the sofa. The cushion between them may as well have been the Grand Canyon. “Thank you all for a lovely meal but I promised to go over Mel’s for afters.”  
  
“Mel?” Remus asked, still clutching at his award.  
  
“My girlfriend.” Reg grinned, proudly. “So, I’ll be off. Come here and give Uncle Reg a hug before I head out.” He turned to the kids.  
  
Soon enough, Regulus was gone. Lily and James were off to the kitchen with the kids. Lily said she was going to set them up with enough pudding to make their stomachs burst, run around on a sugar high, and then have a spectacular crash, resulting in a quiet night's sleep. James was off to prepare some nog for them. Lily made it obvious that if Sirius and Remus moved she was going to hex them. Remus forgot how much his old friends used hexing as a threat over such small matters.  
  
“Thank you for this, Sirius, it’s beautiful. You didn’t need to do it. My book is a completely shite gift.”  
  
“I like your books. I did that because you missed the ceremony and you deserved something nice.” Sirius said, looking resolutely at the fire.  
  
“You could have just given it to me in whatever box it came in. You didn’t have to go through the trouble.” Remus sighed.  
  
“Never could accept a nice gift.” He muttered while giving a small shake of the head.  
  
“Sirius… where do we stand?” Remus turned a little so he could look at the other man. Sirius still looked straight ahead.  
  
“Ah, I don’t know. I’ve been trying to think about how I feel for days and I’ve got nothing. It’s so confusing.”  
  
“Do you hate me?”  
  
“No, no, I understand why you took off. I ran you off. Do you hate me?”  
  
“No, I know why you did it.”  
  
“Would you ever trust me again?” Sirius asked softly, as if he was afraid of the answer.  
  
“I, I don’t know.” Remus stuttered over his words.  
  
“It’s ok.”  
  
“I want to, Sirius. It’s not just you, though. It’s everyone. I lost trust in nearly everyone but Lily and Dumbledore.”  
  
“But I’m the worst?”  
  
“Yes.” He said then bit his lip because he didn’t mean to be so harsh. The word just came out so fast. “Sorry, it’s… I was just so close to you. We were like one person. I didn’t know where you ended and where I started. You were my everything, Sirius.”  
  
“You were mine too.” Sirius took a deep, shaky breath. “Look, you can say no, but Draco and I have a new tradition of going ice skating on Boxing Day. I say new because the first time we did it was last year. Anyway, he wants me to ask you to come. He’s a bit obsessed with you. You know, there’s a book for children about recipients of the Order of Merlin and you’re in it and he loves that he’s somehow connected to you. I don’t know. But he wanted you to come to ours some time and I figured if we go ice skating then it would be in public and hopefully less awkward than you coming to the flat. I don’t know.”  
  
“Sirius, you’re rambling.” Remus repeated words he had spoke so many times before in the past. “I’ll go. I’d hate to disappoint the boy. He seems like a good sort, especially for a Black-Malfoy. I’m glad you’re raising him right.”  
  
“Don’t feel obligated.”  
  
“No, it’s okay. I’ve nothing on all term break. Its better than sitting in my flat.” Remus looked down at his thoughtful gift again. “It’s not that I don’t want to trust you, Sirius. I want you back in my life, not just you. Everyone.” He said, getting back to the earlier point. “I realized that I haven’t been happy for a long time and I think that’s because I haven’t let anyone close since…”  
  
Sirius looked as if he was going to reach for his hand but he stopped himself by moving to fix the messy bun his hair was in. He was looking thoughtful. “Didn’t you have any good times traveling? I heard you talking about all the places you went the other night. You always wanted to go to that magical library in Egypt and you did. You didn’t sound excited about it.”  
  
Remus shrugged, trying to think of a way to say whatever he wanted to without sounding so sad. “It all felt, I don’t know, empty. Like I was missing something.”  
  
“I’m so sorry, Remus.”  
  
All Remus wanted to do was wrap his arms around Sirius and bury his face in his shoulder but something in the back of his head was stopping him. That little niggling of doubt that kept reminding him how much Sirius and everyone else had doubted him. He was fairly certain that Sirius still wanted him. Draco knew all about Moony and Sirius had said he never stopped caring about him. But he could bring himself to get over what had happened between them so fast. It was difficult enough just trying to become friends again.  
  
“It’s okay, Sirius.”  
  
“But it’s not okay. You deserved to explore all those places and be happy about it. You always talked about all of places with such glee. When you talk about it though, there’s no light in your eyes.”  
  
“I don’t know what to say.”  
  
“You don’t have to say anything. I just, I’m trying to wrap my head around who you are now.”  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
“Why the bloody hell are you sorry, right now?”  
  
“I’ve clearly upset you for not being happy.”  
  
“I’m upset because you’re not happy. It’s not like you’re doing it on purpose. Or maybe you are. You were always good at brushing off the things that made you happy because you thought you didn’t deserve it. I mean, you’re sitting there with your Order of Merlin, that you never picked up. You get the highest honor a wizard can get but you didn’t go to the ceremony. You probably thought you didn’t deserve it.”  
  
Remus looked back down to the declaration and didn’t say a thing because Sirius was right.  
  
“I guess you haven’t changed that much, your self-deprecation has just become worse.”  
  
He shrugged.  
  
“Fuck, I just want to have a screaming row with you, Remus Lupin, but you can’t even give me that, can you?”  
  
“Why would you want that?”  
  
“Because that’s how we used to get it all out there before it all went to hell. We’d yell and wave our arms around and get mad for fifteen minutes and I would break something and then we’d call each other idiots and apologize and make up. The moment we stopped shouting, is the moment everything fell apart.”  
  
Remus bit his cheek because he had no idea what to say. Sirius was right but he didn’t have the energy to fight with Sirius. He also didn’t think that the Potter’s sitting room on Christmas was the best time to have a row about the past.  
  
“Right, just stay silent.” Sirius stood and started to clean up the mess of toys strewn across the floor.  
  
“Nog!” James said, levitating a tray with four glasses and a plate of cookies on it.


	3. Boxing Day through the 30th

_He's gone two thousand miles_  
_It's very far_  
_The snow is falling down_  
_Gets colder day by day_  
_I miss you_  
  
_The children will sing_  
_He'll be back at Christmas time_  
  
_In these frozen and silent nights_  
_Sometimes in a dream you appear_  
_Outside under the purple sky_  
_Diamonds in the snow sparkle_  
_Our hearts were singing_  
_It felt like Christmas time_  
  
_2000 Miles by The Pretenders_

******

The next day, Remus waited for Draco and Sirius outside of the skating rink in Hyde Park. He was feeling more than a little anxious about being alone with Sirius. At least Draco was there as a buffer. Just thinking about Sirius raising a child made Remus laugh internally. The man he knew could barely raise himself at times. Yes, he liked taking care of Remus when he was sick but everyday life was different. A child was very different. At the same time though, he knew how caring Sirius was and could see how it would transfer into the ability to being a good father. He only hoped the man had learned how to cook in the last five years.  
  
“Moony!” Draco yelled at the top of his lungs as he rushed over to Remus, arms out stretched and ready for a hug.  
  
Remus still couldn’t get over this child calling him his nickname. “Hi Draco.” Remus bent down and accepted the hug as Sirius sauntered over behind Draco.  
  
“You came! Pa said you might be busy.”  
  
“I said I’d come, of course, I’d be here.” Remus gave him a tight smile before standing back up. He wished that people didn’t think so little of him. Or maybe Sirius didn’t want him to come?  
  
“I know, I ah, I just worried after we talked last night.” Sirius tugged his peacoat tighter, a bit uncomfortable. “So, shall we?”  
  
“Yeah! Can you ice skate Moony?” Draco walked with his little mittened hands in the pockets of his blue, puffy coat.  
  
Sirius started laughing. Remus knew that he was thinking of the time he gave himself a concussion when they went out skating in the middle of the night after too much firewhisky their sixth year.  
  
“Yes, I can skate.” As long as he didn’t have anything to drink, went unspoken. “I think I would have suggested something else if I couldn’t.” He shrugged. “Thank you for inviting me.”  
  
“It’s so cool you’re here. Harry’s going to be jealous because he isn’t here.” Draco said excitedly as they approached the booth to rent the skates.  
  
Draco rambled on about what he knew about Remus and the rest of Marauders and all their pranks as they laced up their skates. He asked Remus about all the things he saw when he traveled while they began to skate. He talked about how Sirius taught him all about magic and he even knew a few spells, even though he wasn't supposed to.  
  
Sirius stayed quiet for the most part, keeping an eye on Draco to make sure he didn’t fall and hurt himself. He only interjected a few comments here and there. Every so often Remus would meet Sirius’ eyes and the dark-haired man would immediately look away.  
  
After Draco fell and had a good cry, they decided it was time to call it quits and they all got hot chocolate. “Moony, Pa says you make the best hot chocolate.” His little legs swung on the bench as he leaned into Sirius.  
  
“I guess I did.”  
  
“Can you make me some, sometime?”  
  
“Draco…” Sirius sighed.  
  
“Ah, maybe sometime.”  
  
“Are you coming to Charlie’s birthday on Sunday? Maybe you could make it then.”  
  
“Oh, ah, I don’t think I am going. We’ll pick another day for me to make hot chocolate, if that’s ok with Sirius and all.”  
  
Draco snorted and rolled his eyes. “Of course it’s okay with Pa!”  
  
“All right, Draco, we need to get going.” Sirius put an arm around him.  
  
Draco’s face crumbled. He was very close to crying.  
  
“Say goodbye to Remus.”  
  
“But… when will we see him again? What if he leaves?”  
  
Remus’ heart clenched in his chest. “I’m not going anywhere for the foreseeable future. We’ll make time for the hot chocolate soon. I promise.”  
  
“Really?” Draco sniffed.  
  
“Really.”  
  
They said their goodbyes and went their opposite ways.  
  
When Remus got home, there was an owl tapping at his window. It carried a letter from Lily: _You. Me. Tea. Our old favorite shop. Tomorrow. Be there at Two. Love you, Lily_  
  
He sent Lily a letter back saying he’d been there before eating dinner alone. He fell asleep that night, dreaming for domestic scenes of making hot coco and snuggling with Sirius. Oh no.

******

The following afternoon he was settled at a table with Lily, both with large mugs of tea in front of them and a plate of sandwiches. Lily was frowning down at her tea and fidgeting a little. “What’s wrong, Lily?”  
  
“Are you… are you okay Remus?” She looked up with him with sad, green eyes.  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“You talk differently, its like the life has been sucked out of you. You’re always staring off into space. I mean, I understand how overwhelming this all is, to have all these people suddenly back in your life but, I don’t know, it’s still not right. You’re so bloody skinny and pale. You don’t joke as much. I haven’t seen you laugh. Once. You look so tired and we’re in the middle of the lunar cycle, so it’s not that. I’m just so worried about you. I have been since you left but now, it’s worse.”  
  
Remus frowned. “We’re all different now.”  
  
“I know we are but, I’ve seen this before.” She ran a hand through her hair. “Sirius was like this after you left for the longest time. Are you depressed?”  
  
He took a sip of his tea then get a slight nod. He hated thinking about Sirius depressed. Not as much as he hated his own depression though. “It’s just after the war and everything. I’ll be fine.”  
  
“Remus, you could get some help. Maybe go to therapy? After the war a lot of us had problems adjusting but we all had each other to work through it. You’ve been by yourself for so long.”  
  
“I’ll be fine.” Remus had his hands around the mug, warming his constantly cold fingers.  
  
“You will be because you have me again. You never lost me, you know? I know everyone doubted you but I never did. Not for one bloody second and I made sure they all knew it then I made sure they all had their noses rubbed in your accomplishments afterwards. Well, except for Sirius because he didn’t need that then. He already knew how stupid he was.”  
  
“He was really that bad after?”  
  
“You should talk to him about that. Really, talk about that. I know you two have been trying to work through things here and there but you just need to really put it all out on the table in private. No one else around. We can watch Draco when you do.”  
  
“Right.”  
  
Lily tucked a piece of her auburn hair behind her ear. “You have to promise me you won’t run off. I swear, I’ll put a trace on you.”  
  
“I’m not going anywhere. I have my dream job coming next September. I’m afraid you’re stuck with me in the UK.”  
  
“There’s no being stuck with you, Remus. I enjoy your company so much. Ok, then, changing the subject, Molly told me to invite you to Charlie’s thirteenth birthday on Sunday.”  
  
“Why?” Remus furrowed his brow.  
  
“Because you are Molly and Arthur’s friends and everyone wants to see you again.”  
  
“I’ll be there. What do you get a thirteen year old boy?” Remus wondered out loud.  
  
“What would you have wanted?”  
  
“Ah, books, chocolate, cigarettes, dungbombs, a kiss from Sirius.”  
  
“Maybe just a book or some chocolate?” Lily raised an eyebrow with a slight smile.  
  
Remus laughed, softly but it was still a laugh.

******

The next night Remus was relaxing on his sofa, attempting to read. That was one thing he hadn’t been doing a lot of lately. He used to go through books like there was no tomorrow. He had so little interest in picking up a book and finishing it. It drove him a bit barmy that he couldn’t sit there and read. Instead he would sit there and stare off into space or fall asleep, holding the book in his hands.  
  
But that night he had got through a full chapter. Sadly, he was interrupted by pounding on his door. He jumped and threw his book across the room. “Yeah, Lupin that’s going to do something against attackers. Bloody war hero.” He muttered to himself as the banging continued.  
  
Remus opened his door to find Peter, James, Marlene, and Dorcas on the other side. “Come on, we’re going out.” Marlene ordered him.  
  
“I… how did you know that I lived here?” He worried that Lily did put a trace on him.  
  
“Em’s boyfriend there, Dara.”  
  
“Oh, ok.” Remus said as James brushed right by him to come in.  
  
“It’s so small here. Need a new place? We know an agent.” James complained.  
  
“Ah, its fine here.”  
  
“It doesn’t matter what it is like here, we’re going out.” Dorcas said after giving him a hug. “Off we go.”  
  
“Why is there a book on your floor?” Pete pointed to it. “Normally you treat them better than that.”  
  
“Ah, I dropped it.” Remus looked at it one more time before being dragged out of his bedsit by Marlene.  
  
Not long later, he was sitting at a booth in the Leaky Cauldron, listening to everyone weave tales of their happy, everyday lives. Eventually someone mentioned Draco, letting Remus ask a question without forcing the conversation towards Sirius. “What was Sirius like at first with him?”  
  
“He was fairly brilliant from the start. Helping with Harry really did a lot, I think.” James said before taking a drink of his butterbeer.  
  
“What do you mean fairly? Was it the cooking? He was always a shite cook.” Remus rolled the tumbler of firewhisky between his hands.  
  
“No, actually.” Pete said and all of them had a dark look on their faces.  
  
“What?”  
  
“There was—”  
  
“Pads should be telling him, not us.” James interrupted.  
  
“You think Sirius would actually tell him?” Dorcas glared across the table at James.  
  
“Fine, whatever, say whatever.” James sat back, arms crossed.  
  
“What is it?” Remus’s eyes flitted around his old friends.  
  
“It’s not like he was neglecting Draco but a year after it all settled, for a solid year, he wouldn’t… he was obsessed with finding you. He looked for any sign of you wherever he could.”  
  
Remus felt his breath catch.  
  
“Draco stayed with Andy or one of us whenever Sirius went out of town looking for you. He was so bloody scared you killed yourself because he screwed up. He was desperate to make it right with you. Then he just gave up.” Peter continued on from Marlene’s story.  
  
“He came by one day to pick up Draco and I asked him how his search for you was going and he told me that it was fruitless. Said he was just going to stop.” James ran a hand through the messy mop on his head.  
  
Remus tapped his finger on the glass. “Well, that’s good. I mean I’m sorry he ran around looking for me but I’m glad he made peace with it.”  
  
“I’m not sure if he ever really made peace with your disappearance and his mistakes, Moony.” Peter shook his head. “We miss Sirius as much as we miss you, if that makes any sense.”  
  
“When he lost you, he lost all the best bits of him, it seemed.” James swirled his finger in a puddle of condensation.  
  
“I, er, he didn’t want me around.”  
  
“No, he thought you were a traitor and you didn’t tell him otherwise. He never stopped wanting you around, you daft git.” Dorcas leaned on the table with her elbows. “He still wants you. I don’t think he’d be so torn apart still if he didn’t.”  
  
“How was your day out with him and Draco?” James asked, thankfully because Remus was at a loss for words for a moment.  
  
“He barely spoke to me, Sirius, that is. Draco wouldn’t stop talking.”  
  
“You need to have it out with Sirius.” Marlene declared.  
  
“Have it out?”  
  
“Mate, you’ve a row that’s five years in the making. I know for a fact you left without having one. Have a blow up and see where all the pieces fall.”  
  
Remus wasn’t sure if he had the energy to have a row. He wasn’t sure wanted to even know where the pieces would fall either.

******

The next afternoon, Remus found himself in The Burrow. He forgot about how cozy Molly and Arthur’s place was. It was a little tight with a million children running around as well as many of his old mates.  
  
“Remus Lupin, it is you.” He heard as he kissed Lily on the cheek.  
  
“Alice! Where’s Frank?” He looked behind the mousy brunette in front of him.  
  
“Oh, Ministry stuff. Thing about this job, it never ends.” She said with a shrug. “I’m so glad you’re back, Re! You have to come over the house for dinner one day. I know Frank will love it. We can get Moody and Albus to join. Oh! We could invite the whole Order.”  
  
Remus smiled and shifted a bit uncomfortably. “If anything, just you and Frank would be nice.”  
  
“Right, sorry. I swear someone hexed me to become one of those people who plan dinner parties all the time.” She laughed as Sirius and Draco barreled through the door.  
  
“Pa! I told you that we’d be late!” Draco pouted then spotted Remus, immediately lighting up. “Moony! You said you weren’t coming.”  
  
“Change of plans, Draco.” He ruffled Draco’s hair as Sirius said his hellos to the Potters and Alice.  
  
“Draco, why don’t you go find the rest of the little terrors?” He handed Draco Charlie’s gift.  
  
“But Moony—”  
  
“Later.”  
  
“Fine.” Draco hugged the present to his chest and went off to wherever the rest of the children were.  
  
“Do my eyes deceive me or is that Remus Lupin standing next to our little Sirius, Andy?”  
  
“Why, Ted, you’re right. My favorite canines. In one spot again.”  
  
Remus turned to find Ted and Andromeda Tonks beaming at them. “Regulus already offered to punch me, Andromeda.”  
  
“Shall I hex you?” She tilted her head with a smirk.  
  
“He has an Order of Merlin trailing after his name these days, you’ll probably end up in Azkaban with some distant cousins, my dear.” Ted put an arm around Andromeda’s shoulders.  
  
“Why does everyone go on about the bloody Order of Merlin?” Remus muttered and rubbed the back of his neck.  
  
“Mate, you saved Reg, who was the one who got us to Voldie, and took out some of his top lieutenants all at once. It’s a big deal, which we didn’t get to talk about because you were busy faffing about the world.” James nudged him from behind.  
  
“Can we talk about something else?”  He asked and he saw Sirius give an eyeroll.  
  
They did change the subject and the adults broke off into little groups. Remus stuck with Lily and Sirius went off with the Prewett twins. From the sound of it, they were terrorizing both Molly and the children in the sitting room.  
  
After cake, Remus found a quiet corner in the kitchen to take a deep breath from all the activity. It was tiring being around so many people who were interested in talking to him. He was going to need to sleep for a week after this all.  
  
“Are you all right?” Sirius asked, coming up to him. He had concern written all over his face.  
  
“I’m fine.”  
  
Sirius scoffed. “Sure,  you are.”  
  
“I don’t know what you want from me, Sirius. You’re giving me hot and cold.” Remus said softly. “I know you went looking for me.”  
  
Sirius went pale. “Who told you?”  
  
“I went to drinks with James, Peter, Dorcas, and Marlene the other night. They told me you went looking for me but you just stopped.”  
  
“Godric, they can’t keep their mouths shut. I was going to talk to you about it. Someday, when we moved to that point.”  
  
Remus furrowed his brow. “What point?”  
  
“I don’t know. Past the whole, trust thing and… I don’t know. It wouldn’t have made any difference if I told you, would it have?”  
  
“I don’t bloody know.” He raised his voice a little. “I’m so confused, I don’t know how to start sorting all this in my head. Can I ask you why you stopped?”  
  
Sirius clenched his fists and looked around.  
  
“What?”  
  
“I found you, okay. I found you in Belgium at a pub and you were talking with a witch and you snogged her. So I thought it was bloody fucking clear that you moved on!” Sirius shouted.  
  
Remus felt everyone’s eyes on them and a silence settled around the adults. “You found me and you left?”  
  
“Like you would have cared at that point? Did you not hear what I just said?” He snapped before turning and going for the door. Again, leaving and running away. But no one ever mentioned that about Sirius…  
  
“Well, shite…” James put an arm around Lily. “Who knew their breaking point would be a child’s birthday party? Money on it anyone?”  
  
“Get your arse out there and row with him right now.” Marlene grabbed his arm and forced him towards the door.  
  
Lily tossed his coat at him and soon he was stumbling out of the door and into the snow.  
  
Sirius had his back to him again, smoking a cigarette. “Fuck off, Remus.”  
  
“No.” He trudged over to him. “I won’t. You wanted to have it out, let’s have it out. Why didn’t you just come over to me in Belgium? Most action I get in the last five years and of course you bloody see.” Remus huffed, watching his breathe in front of him.  
  
“What? Most action?”  
  
“She kissed me. She thought I was chatting her up because I asked her to teach me some French and she did but then she eventually stuck her tongue in my mouth. I tried to enjoy it but, it wasn’t right. I couldn’t be with anyone because that would mean being vulnerable and I couldn’t. I haven’t been able to get close to anyone over the last five years to give or get kissed or shagged outside of that one time.”  
  
“Looked like you enjoyed it.” Sirius said, still not looking at him.  
  
“You didn’t stick around long enough to see me pull back all flustered and make my excuses to leave. No, you just ran off. How many fucking times have you run off in our relationship? Too many to bloody count!” Remus finally reached the end of his rope. “Maybe if you just fucking talked to me, you would have found out I was still in love with you then!”  
  
Sirius finally looked at him, eyes wide and in shock. For a second, he swore he saw a smile flash across his face. But it disappeared as he grasped on a to a line of argument. “Me? Run off? Okay, fine, I did do that every so often. You disappeared, at least I never disappeared. I always came back within an hour -- at least! Don’t even say what you did was the same as what I’ve ever done in the past.”  
  
“You always run away when things get too rough. You pulled away and didn’t talk about it when you thought I was a traitor! Then you blamed me for just walking away because I didn’t sit there and scream at you. I couldn’t fight you then, Sirius. I was so busy fighting everyone else! I was fighting fucking Death Eaters and werewolves and other bloody Order members! I shouldn’t have had to fight you!” He screamed and threw his hands out. He could feel the others watching from the window. He didn’t really care anymore. “You were the one person I shouldn’t have had to fight.”  
  
“I know, I fucked up Remus. I’m sorry! I don’t know what to do to fix it and make you believe me.”  
  
“Would you have really believed that I wasn’t a spy if I yelled and screamed at you?”  
  
Sirius ran a hand through his inky black hair. “I don’t know.”  
  
“I can tell you that it wouldn’t have.” Remus said softly.  
  
“How do you know?” He put his hands on his hips.  
  
“Because, that’s just how it was then. If we shouted at each other or if we just let it fester or if I just walked out like I did, we would have ended up the same. We would have ended up leaving each other sooner or later.”  
  
“I just wanted you to say something to me then. I made suggestions and you just looked at me. You didn’t even bat a bloody eye. You packed up your trunk with only essentials and you left. You didn’t even say good bye to me. We knew each other for nine years then and I loved you for at least five of those you and you just left me.” Sirius had tears in his eyes now.  
  
“How do you think I felt that someone who I trusted and loved so much, thought I’d have it in me to betray them and the ones that I loved?” Remus took a deep breath, letting the cold air sting his lungs.  
  
“I reckon we both felt about the same. Completely destroyed. I’m still completely destroyed.”  
  
“Me too.” He bit at his bottom lip.  
  
After a prolonged silence Sirius finally spoke up again. “What would you have done if I came up to you in Belgium and told you that I had been searching the ends of the earth for a year, looking for you?”  
  
“I don’t know. I think I may have snogged you. Rather romantic, that.” Remus rubbed his eyes, he was starting to feel a headache. “Better than showing up to a party by accident.”  
  
Sirius actually laughed at that. “Yeah, I thought I was having a hallucination or something until everyone else acknowledged it was really you standing there.”  
  
“I didn’t want to see you all again, you know? At least that’s what I told myself. Yet I move to London and ran the chance of running into any one of you. Obviously I wanted this all subconsciously.”  
  
“I’m glad you did. I know it’s all fucking messy right now and we’re on some rocky footing but at least you’re here. And I think, maybe, we can at least be on all right terms to get a pint every so often and see you here with everyone.”  
  
“Yeah.” Remus shoved his hands in his pockets.  
  
“I… I knew you weren’t the traitor after Reg told me about the Battle of Brighton and how you saved him. He actually punched me and called me an utter idiot because of what I did to you.”  
  
Remus kicked some snow off of his shoe.  
  
“I was more than an idiot. I don’t think there are words to say how idiotic I am. This is just a few notches above what I pulled fifth year, probably.”  
  
Remus pulled a face at the mention of The Prank. He really didn’t want to relive that. Things were bad enough now.  
  
“You know, I never thought you’d forgive me for that shite. I almost killed Snape and I almost got you killed in turn. But you somehow forgave me. I probably used up all your forgiveness in that one go.” Sirius snickered and looked over his shoulder, probably checking to see if they were in fact being watched by the rest of the party.  
  
“I forgave you because I knew you were a little shite back then and I loved you. You’re reckless and you hated Snape and you were going through things with your family and you weren’t thinking. That’s why James and I were in your life. Someone had to make sure you knew limits.”  
  
“I went to therapy, you know? Lily’s doing after the war. It wasn’t anything great but apparently I acted out because of my family and not knowing my self worth. Very reckless.”  
  
“Did therapy work for you?”  
  
Sirius shrugged. “I don’t know. Like you, I haven’t been happy in a long time. I mean, shite, that’s not all true. Draco makes me happy but that’s really all.  Even then, it’s not the same. Er… I don’t think I’m explaining it right because I have been happy it’s just—”  
  
“Empty. Dull. Missing something.”  
  
“Yeah.” Sirius’ voice broke then he cleared his throat. “I tried some potions for it but they made me feel all wonky. I figured I was better off without them. Lily keeps telling me I should try this yogurt thing.”  
  
“Yoga?” Remus furrowed his brow.  
  
“Yeah!”  
  
And then Remus Lupin laughed. Full body, clutching his stomach, could hardly breathe, laughter. He hadn’t laughed, a good real laugh, in a long time. He missed how Sirius and James would butcher Muggle terms. For some reason, this familiar gaff sent Remus into almost manic like laughter.  
  
“It wasn’t that funny!” Sirius whinged, which just sent Remus into a new set of giggles.  
  
“Oh gods, I’m so—sorry. Ah, fuck. It really wasn’t funny. But, bloody hell…”  
  
Sirius smiled at him, his eyes lit up. Remus realized that it was the first time the other man had looked at him like that since he return. “I missed your laugh.”  
  
Remus wanted to say that he missed laughing but he just gave Sirius a lopsided smile.  
  
“I think we’re going to be okay, Remus.” And for the first time since he return, Sirius touched Remus. He reached out and put a hand on his forearm.  
  
“I’m going to go back in. I’m going to end up getting sick in this cold.”  
  
“We do have these lovely things called warming charms but I’ll let you go. I’m glad we rowed.”  
  
“Yeah, I am too.” Remus awkwardly patted Sirius on the shoulder before turning to go in.  
  
A moment later a snowball hit him square in the back.  
  
He spun on his heel to see Sirius grinning at him like a mad man. “Oi!”  
  
Sirius just launched another snow ball and this time Remus retaliated. A few moments later everyone was outside and so began The Great Snowball Fight of 1985.  
  
And Remus was happier in those moments than all the time he spent traveling around the world combined.

******

Remus was exhausted. The last five days had been filled with reliving all the old emotions he had been pushing down for so long. He also had been pelted with snow and ice balls (those were mostly from both sets of twins) for about a half hour yesterday. He curled up on his side and hugged his pillow. Remus had felt so happy while he was having the snowball fight and there were so many times over the last days where he was feeling content.  
  
He knew that there was still so much to work through with his friends — especially Sirius. But he didn’t want stop trying because it just felt like he should be there. He didn’t want to go back to floating through life alone, without these connections to the past. It was clear that they all felt terrible for how they treated him and he hated that he could understand. Remus would go on assignments and never talk about what he did, unlike most of the others. He had to withdraw from them to go in deep cover. Honestly, if it were anyone else in Remus’ position… he would have probably felt the same way and started to doubt them. Who wouldn’t with the way things were at the time? They could prove to him over time that they were trustworthy.  
  
At least he had Lily to confide in when he needed it. With Lils, it was his fault completely that their relationship was so strained. But she seemed to have let it all go after slapping him twice. They had always been so close since they met at the Sorting ceremony. Even before James fancied Lily and well before Lily had any real interested in James, Remus and Lily were best mates. She was always so understanding and hurting Lily was probably the hardest thing for him when he walked away outside of his relationship with Sirius.  
  
It was clear that Sirius had torn himself up over what he had done to Remus. Hell, the man apparently traveled the earth trying to find him and when he did, he thought that Remus had moved on. Truth was, Remus never moved on. He was still in love with the git. He wished that he wasn’t but it was impossible because he was Sirius Black and he was Remus Lupin. Just as Sirius said he loved Remus even when he thought he was a Death Eater spy, Remus still loved Sirius even though he broke his heart. The man had at least four years to stew over how wrong he was and he had to live with the hurt he caused day and night. He was obviously very effected by it all.  
  
But could Remus ever, really forgive him? He wanted to but it would take time. He needed to take things slow and work it all out. They needed to have a lot more conversations and possibly more rows.  
  
Remus ended up drifting back to sleep for a few more hours. He eventually got up before having a soak then going to make himself some breakfast. As he was enjoying a cup of tea and reading the book he had been working on the other night, an owl arrived.  
  
_Moony,_  
_Hope all is well and you’re enjoying a quiet day. We forgot to ask… no tell you that you’re coming to our New Year Bash! Frank’s coming along, so that’ll be something have the Minster here. Reg and Pete are also bringing their ladies around, so you’ll get to meet them._  
_Love,_  
_Prongs & Co_  
  
Remus bit his lip, thinking how nice it would be to have a midnight kiss from Sirius. He could still take it slow and kiss Sirius. They had snogged when they were ‘just friends’ before. But it was a bad idea. He knew that he couldn’t get out of going. He was going to make sure he was far from Sirius at midnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Charlie's birthday is supposed to be the 12th of December but I moved it for sake of my plot haha. Also, the next update will be the last chapter and epilogue. It will probably be up within the week seeing I'm almost done and I'm being very productive everywhere, which is just shocking.


	4. New Years Eve and New Years Day

_I hope it's not too late_  
 _Just to say that I'm sorry, honey_  
 _All I want to do_  
 _Is just finish what we started, baby  
_  
 _Let's turn over a new leaf_  
 _And baby let's make promises_  
 _That we can keep_  
 _And call it a new year's resolution, hmm_  
  
New Year's Resolution by Otis Redding

******

Remus drummed his fingers on his bottom lip and looked into his closet, trying to figure out what to wear. He hadn’t put any thought into what to wear for a long time now, outside of “is the an appropriate teaching robe?” or “does this have too many tatters?”. No, he wanted to look nice tonight. Not that he needed to impress anyone. None of his old friends cared if he looked good or not but for the first time in a long while, he just wanted to look nice. He didn’t want to admit it that it was because he wanted to snog Sirius silly. But he wanted to take things slow with him, get their relationship back steadily, both friendship and romantic.  
  
Once he was finally dressed in his nice dark jeans and his favorite plum jumper, he apparated over to the Potter’s. The house was already loud, filled with many of the same people who were at the Christmas party. As he went through the door, he bumped into Regulus. The younger Black brother had his arm around a pretty blonde.  
  
“Hey-o! Lupin!” Regulus threw his arms around him.  
  
“Had a few drinks already?” Remus snickered as he was nearly strangled by the other man.  
  
“A few. Mel! This is Remus Lupin. The reason I am here today.”  
  
“Oh! Remus, it is so nice to meet you!” Mel sounded French from her accent. “Thank you for saving him.”  
  
“Ah, just my job.”  
  
“Take the bloody credit, you ponce!” Regulus finally let him go. “Come, Frank’s here. He’s in the kitchen, I think.” Reg grabbed him by the wrist and yanked him in that direction.  
  
Frank was there, standing behind Alice with his chin resting on the top of her head. They were talking to James and Lily. “Mister Minister, I present to you Remus J. Moony Lupin.” Reg’s voice boomed.  
  
“Oi, slow down on the firewhisky, Reggie.” Sirius said from his seat at the table. “Hi Moony.” He grinned at Remus.  
  
The werewolf suddenly realized that was the first time Sirius had used his old nickname since his return. “Hi.”  
  
“Ugh, I can basically see hearts around both of your heads.” Regulus shook his head, beaming. Mel giggled next to him.  
  
Remus flushed and turned to Frank, who had stepped away from Alice and was holding out his hand. “Hey, Remus. It’s been awhile. I wished you stuck around.” Frank had got over his suspicions of Remus, fairly quickly as he was apart of the guard on Regulus. “I wanted to offer you a spot somewhere in the Ministry.”  
  
“Ha, gods, Frank, that’d have been incredible but I probably would have turned it down.”  
  
“What about now? Would you like to come aboard now?”  
  
“No, Albus offered me the Defense of Dark Arts position at Hogwarts for next year.”  
  
“Brilliant! You’re going to be the best, I’m sure.” Frank clapped him on the shoulder as Peter came into the room. Remus was introduced to Grace, who Remus recognized in person. She was one of the quieter Ravenclaws. He had seen her in the library many times. Grace was sweet and really perfect for Peter.  
  
As the night wore on, Remus felt himself laughing more. He was feeling a bit more alive, less like he was running through things. It was also nice that he and Sirius were talking just as much, no more, than he was talking with anyone else. He even offered Remus a cigarette when he reached for one.  
  
“No! Not inside. Get your arses outside if you’re going to smoke.”  
  
“Come on, Lils, all the kiddies are at The Burrow.” Sirius complained, unlit fag hanging out of his mouth.  
  
“Well, I’m pregnant, so I’d rather you not do that in here. Also, it’s my house.”  
  
“Pregnant? Again? Bloody hell, you’re on the way to having a whole brood like the Weasleys!” Sirius squawked as he jumped up and hugged Lils.  
  
“Oh, Lily, congratulations.” Remus grinned as everyone else around them offered the same.  
  
“Well, now you’re here I’ll get my wish of you being the godfather.”  
  
Remus grabbed her out of Sirius’ grasp and pulled her into the hug. “You don’t have to.”  
  
“No, you were going to be Annie’s and I’m pregnant now and you’re here. Its like the stars aligned.” Lily chuckled before leaning up to kiss him on the cheek.  
  
“All the Marauders are godfathers and half of them are raising children of their own. Godric, help us.” Dorcas looked heavenward and raised her hands above her head.  
  
“Terrifying.” Remus said dryly with a wry smile.  
  
“Well, I’m for a fag. Joining me?” Sirius put a hand on his shoulder and he felt the skin under his jumper tingle.  
  
“Sure.” He tried to ignore the looks from his old friends as he went out to the back garden with Sirius.  
  
He had left his jacket inside so he did a few warming charms before taking the offered cigarette. “Ah, sweet nicotine.” Remus said after taking a long drag.  
  
“Quit?”  
  
“I couldn’t afford it.” He shrugged. “Food and shelter was for more important when I was traveling then I couldn’t really afford much when I got home. I mean, I bummed one every so often but not too many.” Remus explained.  
  
“Ah, I see.” Sirius nodded. “I don’t smoke much now. Which, you probably think is a lie because you’ve caught me smoking a few times now. But I swear, I only smoke when I’m really stressed or have been drinking.”  
  
Remus shrugged. “You were always one to go for a cigarette when stressed. Or a joint.”  
  
“Yeah, I can’t be getting stoned with the sprog around.” Sirius shrugged. “Though, James did buy a bit of pot for my birthday. I’m assuming he got it from one of the Prewetts. It’s hidden at my flat. Also, you were the one to go to the weed more often than not. I just happened to be around you a lot.”  
  
“It was usually medicinal. Helped with nausea and all the rot from the moon.” Remus laughed and flicked the ash from his cigarette. “Another thing I haven’t done much lately, either for fun or not.”  
  
“Want to come over later and we can make use of my gift? Draco’s spending the night over the Burrow. I mean, I’m not asking you over for a shag. I just thought I’d put that out there. I know we have a lot to get through.” Sirius looked nervous.  
  
“Its fine. I’ll think about it.” Remus itched behind his ear. He wanted more than anything to go over Sirius’ after the party but he wasn’t sure if he should be alone with the man. Too tempting.  
  
“Really?” Sirius grinned.  
  
“Yeah, it might be good to talk like that. Like how we used to.”  
  
“Good, I’m glad you’re starting the new year with us all. They say how you go into the new year, is what the rest of the year will be like.”  
  
“Hmm, no wonder why my last few years were horrendous.”  
  
“Mmm, same.” Sirius glanced over at him. “Kissing anyone at midnight?”  
  
“Sirius…” Remus warned.  
  
“Okay, sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”  
  
Remus shook his head. “Its fine.”  
  
“I just really want to kiss you, you’ve no idea how bad. But I understand. There’s a lot to talk about and a lot to work through.”  
  
Remus bit his tongue because he felt the same way. But he was sure if he kissed Sirius, he probably wouldn’t be able to stop himself.  
  
Midnight came and everyone gathered outside to watch the fireworks the Marauders (minus Remus) had taken care of. Remus stood as far from Sirius as possible. Lily gave him a funny look when she noticed the distance but didn’t say anything about it. Everyone was either too drunk or too oblivious to take the piss. In the end he got a kiss from Lily, James, and Regulus.  
  
“That’s for saving my arse!” Reg said after a laying a big, wet kiss on his lips. “Now, don’t tell Sirius because he’ll be jealous.” Reg winked before going back off with Mel to watch the fireworks.  
  
An hour later, everyone was back inside and the party was still going on. Remus was starting to think about going home because he was getting a rather exhausted from all the chaos. Sirius apparently sensed this from Remus and was all of a sudden standing next to him. “So, ah, I’m heading out. I thought I’d check in with you to see your plans for the rest of the night.”  
  
“I was actually about to do the same.” He looked around to see everyone was too busy to be listening to their conversation. “I’ll go to yours. But no sex. Only talking.”  
  
“Deal. Let’s just slip out, you know they’ll be on us if we say we’re leaving together. I’ll apparate us home but we have to be off the Potter property for that.”  
  
“Right, yeah, ok.” Remus left, leaving his coat behind, and soon he was standing in the sitting room of Sirius’ flat. “Where are we?”  
  
“Bloomsbury.”  
  
“Still in Camden.” Remus chuckled.  
  
“Not our tiny little flat though.”  
  
“No.” Remus looked around the spacious living room. “Is it a good place to raise a child?”  
  
“Well, it’s far less dodgy than where we used to be. Rather academic here. I’ll show you around, come on.”  
  
Sirius gave him a tour of the two floor condo. Downstairs was typical living room, dining room, kitchen, bathroom. Everything was very warm and comfortable. There were Draco’s toys all over the place. But it still had the Sirius Black touches of random photos of the Marauders on the wall and a few posters of punk bands and David Bowie. In the sitting room was a wall of vinyl.  
  
The second floor held two bedrooms for Draco and Sirius as well as a bathroom. Then they stopped in front of one last door. “Okay, ah, don’t get angry with me?”  
  
Remus felt very nervous. “Why? What did you do?”  
  
“I want you to know I did this for you, not to get you back. When I did it, you were probably off in Borneo or something.”  
  
“Sirius…”  
  
“It’s not bad. I just don’t know if it’s good to show you and I thought about skipping it because—”  
  
“Sirius, just open the bloody door!” Remus snapped.  
  
“Okay, but just don’t go running off again.”  
  
“I’m going to murder you…”  
  
“Okay!” Sirius took his wand out, pointed it at the handle and muttered something Remus didn’t catch.  
  
The lights flickered on as Sirius stepped in. Remus came in behind him to find a study. There were two walls lined completely with bookshelves and most of them were filled to the brim. There was a beautiful desk in the middle of the room and a nice looking sofa in front of a fireplace on one the free wall. The other free wall had a large window, with a window seat.  
  
“This is cypress.” He knocked on one of the shelves.  
  
“Same as your wand.”  
  
“And… these are my books.” He ran his fingers along the bindings.  
  
“The ones you left behind. In the compartment under the window seat is all the clothes you left behind too. And there’s some random things you also left back at the flat in your desk.” Sirius explained, still standing by the door as Remus walked around the room.  
  
“I don’t know what to say.” Remus felt a tight knot in his chest.  
  
“You’re not angry with me?”  
  
“Angry?” Remus said, his voice cracking as his eyes fell on to a photo of him and Sirius snuggling up and kissing then Sirius throwing up the V to James in seventh year.  
  
“I just thought, I don’t know… its sort of a horrible romantic statement, isn’t it? I feel like someone would do something like this in one of those books. You know, his lover goes away and even though he’s not sure if he’ll ever be back he builds him a room of his own…”  
  
“Sirius, you’re so ridiculous and romantic.” He turned around to face the other man. “You travel the ends of the earth to look for me and then build me this?”  
  
“Not accurate, I was doing both of those at the same time.” Sirius leaned against the door jamb. “I thought, that if I found you and you came back you’d want a place for yourself.”  
  
Remus nodded. “Thank you.” He said because there wasn’t anything else he could think to say. What do you say something that was so thoughtful? He couldn’t say that he loved Sirius because even though he did in a sense, he wasn’t there yet. He had only been back in Remus’ life for less than two weeks.  
  
“So, you’re staying?”  
  
“Yeah, we haven’t talked, have we?” Remus cleared his throat, feeling less like he was going to start crying.  
  
Sirius smiled before going over to the desk. He dug around before finding a little baggie. “I put it in here because I didn’t want Draco finding it. He couldn’t get in the door unless he managed his powers out of nowhere.”  
  
“You seem like a good dad.” Remus went over and started a fire.  
  
“Thanks, it was so easy. It was a little strange.” Sirius said as he walked over to Remus.  
  
They both took a seat on the floor and fell into conversation, just like old times. Sirius talked about how he loved raising Draco. He also went on about how he was designing brooms now in his spare time. Remus talked about a few of the travel stories that he hadn’t brought up before. They talked about their mates and how everyone hated themselves after finding out all the good that Remus had done. Then they changed it back to lighter things because Remus was done with the heavy for a day or so.

******

The next morning, Remus woke up curled around Sirius. They were still on the floor of the study but Sirius must have summoned the duvet from his room because it was over them. Thankfully because the fire had gone out and they would have been freezing otherwise.  
  
Remus leaned his ear against Sirius’ back and listened to his heart and his even breathing. He was feeling a little fuzzy around the edges so he just stayed there against Sirius. It was comforting and something he missed so much in the last five years. He wanted more than anything to trust Sirius enough to do this with him all the time.  
  
After a few minutes of reveling in the familiar, he could feel and sense Sirius waking. “Morning, Moony.” Sirius’ voice rumbled in his chest.  
  
“Morning, Padfoot.” Remus moved away a little, giving the other man some space.  
  
“This is weird. I mean, it’s a very good weird but still weird. It’s been so long since I woke up with you, I missed it.” Sirius shuffled around to face Remus. “Are you okay that you spent the night here?”  
  
“Its fine, Sirius. It’s not like we shagged. We didn’t even kiss.”  
  
“I swear, we’ll take it so slow. Slow as you want. I just want to be whatever you need me to be, even if it’s just a mate.”  
  
“You’d hate if it was just a mate.” Remus pointed out.  
  
Sirius worried at his bottom lip.  
  
“It’s ok, Sirius, I know how you feel about me. Let’s just take our time because I would love to trust you and let you into my life like you used to be.”  
  
“Good.”  
  
Remus pressed his index finger to Sirius bottom lip then moved forward to press a chaste kiss.  
  
Sirius looked shocked, almost like the first time Remus had kissed him back in fifth year.  
  
“Friends kiss sometimes.” Remus said, saying what he said muttered that first kiss as well. They had been drunk on firewhisky then and Remus just needed to kiss Sirius. But this time, he was just so damn happy, he needed to kiss him.  
  
Sirius laughed and rolled on to his back. “I’m willing to wait two years for you to tell me you actually fancy me, not just fancy kissing me again. If it comes to that. Hell, I’ll wait another seven. Maybe more. Take your time.”  
  
Remus sighed, hoping that he wouldn’t take over two years to work out his feelings and work everything out with Sirius. “My New Year’s resolution is to sort all these relationships as well as my feelings.”  
  
“So I should get ready for some more rows?” Sirius asked with a grin.  
  
“Yes, but apparently you like to fight.”  
  
“If shouting is what’s going to make us work things out, then let’s do it.”  
  
Remus smiled and stretched his arms over his head.  
  
“Want to come to the Prongs’? Lily’s making a huge breakfast and Draco is going to be there. I’m sure Harry and Annie would love to see you too.” Sirius offered.  
  
“Yeah, sure that’d be good. But I could used a shower and a change of clothes.”  
  
“I’m sure you can find something in the things you left behind.” Sirius gestured to the window seat.  
  
“Sounds good.”  
  
Less than an hour later they were back in the Potter’s kitchen, where Lily and James were puttering about. “Re? I didn’t know you were coming.”  
  
“Sirius invited me.” Remus said, leaning on the counter top. “I hope that’s okay.”  
  
“Moony, you being here is always okay. Hell, you want to move in?” James asked.  
  
“No, I’m all right.” He chuckled.  
  
“You two shag? You both disappeared.” James looked at the both critically.  
  
“No.”  
  
“We’re taking it slow and working through our problems.” Sirius said as Draco and Harry ran into the kitchen.  
  
“Moony!” They both yelled.  
  
“Draco says Padfoot says you make the best hot coco, Moony. Will you make us some?”  
  
“Yeah, sure.”  
  
“Oh, you don’t know what you’ve been missing, lads. Moony’s hot chocolate is to die for. You’ll never want Mum’s again.” James said.  
  
Remus went to making the hot coco, listening to the kids talk about their night. Things were so domestic. Remus wished he could have been there all along. But he couldn’t dwell on what ifs because he was there now. That was what matter. Lily was going to have another baby. Remus was going to start working at Hogwarts soon enough. He was going to deal with any issues he had with anyone in his life again. More importantly, he was going to make things work with Sirius. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy but he wasn’t going to disappear again. He had a life to live.


	5. Epilouge: The Christmas Party Again

One year passed and Remus was in a much better place than he had been the year previous. He was closer with his friends, even though he had some doubts every so often. Him and Lily were closer than ever. Remus even got to be there when the baby, Samantha Rose Potter, was born. Everything was just as great with them. They had weekly coffee dates and sent owls all the time. They were back to being best mates.  
  
Remus was also dating Sirius again. That hadn’t been a development until August. Before that there was a lot of talking, rowing, and well, even more talking. But it all worked out. Remus insisted that they spent time being mates for some time. Even their dating was going slow. They hadn’t even shagged yet. That was mostly because Remus was busy teaching and living at Hogwarts but he had a feeling that was going to change.  
  
Sirius backed him up against the wall and pressed his lips to his. His hands went down his sides then gripped his behind. “Can we, tonight?”  
  
“We’ll see.” Remus grinned before going back to snog him.  
  
“Draco— he’s staying here tonight… mmm, yes.” Sirius ground into Remus then nipped at his bottom lip.  
  
“Oh gods! They’re at it again! This is like seventh year all over.” James complained, making the two men jump apart.  
  
“Bugger off, Prongs. I’ve a Moons to snog.” Sirius moved back to his earlier position against Remus.  
  
“Ugh, get a room.”  
  
“You know, I think we will.” Sirius winked before going to find Draco so they could say goodbye and head home.  
  
On top of everything, Remus was happy. He was smiling and laughing. He was able to sit and read book after book. He spent his free time with friends. He cared about his appearance. He felt less empty. Sure, things were far from perfect but they were so much better than they were just one year ago. They only seemed to be getting better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Happy Holidays! You can follow me over at _[emeliadoyle](http://emeliadoyle.tumblr.com)_ on tumblr
> 
> And look out for the Skater/Snowboarder AU I'm working out "Learning How To Fall Properly": Remus Lupin meets 2/3 of the Marauders while getting harassed by a few homophobes. He meets the third at the skatepark and soon falls into this group of friends, who are so more than just the delinquents the residents of their town think they are. This story goes out and beyond their teen years, following accomplishments and heartbreaks and maybe a gold medal or two.


End file.
